main aisa kyon hoon

karna hai kya muzhko ye meine kab hai jana...
lagta hai gaoonga zindagi bhar bas ye gana..
..these 2 lines sum up my thoughts at the moment....

I feel a trifle sad that I do not have the conviction that many people around me seem to enjoy about their careers or say an answer to the question "What do they want to do in their Life?". I am also unhappy about the fact that their ability to be so sure has not been pervasive enough to make me capable of making a decision...sigh...

Spending the first one and a half years after graduation @ TCS has given me a good enough picture of the coporate world and I know for sure that this coporate life is very deceptive.It makes you think thats it is getting you decent money but keeps you unaware of the fact that there is actually something amiss.I rue the fact that I am not enjoying.I just cannot.:(

But then what should I actually do?( I know I ask to many questons to myself) I should probably do something that will "satisfy me"...is it?.. is this a plausible thought?.Hmm...dont know .May be it is.But few people think that trying to gain satisfaction @ job or work in a corporate environment is having too high expectations from it.One of those thinkers is Subroto Bagchi,Mindtree CEO.He must be right I guess.He says that people should look @ jobs as a means to live and not as life itself.Employers cannot satisfy their employees because the employer is more interested in the things that an employee does than in who they are. Now that I am pretty sure that "employee satisfaction" is nothing but a hogwash,I must find my way out of this big bad corporate world.Some wise man has said "If you do not love your job, you do not have the right to do the job".I certainly need some big time change.Change of job???...Change of field???...I am in a unpleasant dilemma and do not see a way out of it...:(

Many different thoughts about my career have pitched in my mind lately. Few days ago I was thinking about a MBA but could not find good enough reasons to go for it other than money and lotsa stress...:)

Another option I was entertaining was about joining the forces.Working with the Army would be a matter a great pride and honour.I do not know whether I have it in me to serve the nation in such a distinctive way but I will never know until I give their exams.I am contemplating to write the CDS.
The list goes on and also has wildlife/travel photography on it.It would be so much fun to work for say a Nat Geo or Discovery.Photography is something I enjoy immensely but a middle class upbringing has taught me to look @ careers of these kind very sceptically.I hope to shed my inhibitions and take up a Photography course. Unless and until I explore it,I will not know whether I am good or bad at it.
Another thought that has come up of late is to work for an NGO.An NGO working in the villages to promote and strengthen the livlihoods of the villagers.I am not sure how did a hedonist like me actually cultivate this thought.I told my folks about this thing building up in my mind and there reaction was as expected, furious.I do not blame them.

There are so many things I want to do but I am not sure which is the one I am destined to.Nonetheless,I find a stark similarity in all the above options I might try to explore and that is they are all outdoor activities.I hope that I attain clarity of thought before I quit something and plunge into something else.I hope.